Allan Donald is talking about a moment that refuses to leave him.
It took place 24 years ago under blue Birmingham skies. And despite taking 602 wickets for South Africa across a 12-year career, this one act has come to define him.
“I remember so much from that day but it’s that little girl’s face that stands out,” recalls Donald.
“Her head in her hands, she was weeping. I remember being dragged off the field by security guards. My legs were like jelly, I could barely walk. All I kept thinking was, ‘I let this little girl down’.”
Every cricket fan knows the score. Not just the numbers – Australia’s 213 all out against South Africa’s 213 all out – but what it meant to the game. What it still means.
At the time it was the 15th tied ODI and the first ever in a World Cup. By virtue of Australia’s superior run-rate in the competition they advanced to the final where they beat Pakistan.
The fate of South African cricket would take a different route, one that is littered with near-misses and heartache. There were disappointments in 1992 and 1996, but 1999 was the start of something insidious. The Proteas still haven’t advanced past the semi-final of a major tournament.
“I suppose it hurts more because it was tied,” Donald says. “It adds to the drama. After the 2019 World Cup final, which was just unbelievable, it’s probably the greatest game of cricket of all time. It will live on forever and to be a part of that is really special. It feels like I played a leading role in this epic movie.”
‘I needed therapy to get over it’
Shane Warne holds aloft the 1999 World Cup trophy
Donald had two major parts. The first saw him take 4-32 from 10 overs. At the other end, Donald’s great strike partner, Shaun Pollock, returned 5-36 to set an experienced but misfiring batting unit a gettable target.
When Herschelle Gibbs and Gary Kirsten knocked 48 off the target in no time, the game looked as good as won.
“We were a brilliant side,” Donald says of a team that had been shaped by captain Hansie Cronje and coach Bob Woolmer. “Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.”
Sometimes the opposition has Shane Warne. The legendary leg-spinner bowled Gibbs from a different postcode, beat Kirsten in the flight to squeeze under a slog-sweep and had Cronje caught at first slip.
The match seesawed one way and then the other until Lance Klusener crashed two consecutive fours in the final over to take the scores level with just a wicket remaining.
“I can still remember how hard he hit it,” said Donald, the last man in, who was standing 22 yards away when Klusener smoked it through the covers a second time.
This made the number 11’s job easier. He wouldn’t have to use his bat. All he had to do was hold onto it and complete a single run.
The next ball, Donald set off like a startled deer after a Klusener mishit. Darren Lehmann’s underarm lob at the non-striker’s end failed to find its target.
It wasn’t long ago that Donald found it impossible to talk about what came next.
A full ball from over the wicket. A bunt down the ground. This time Klusener ran. Donald didn’t. Not until it was too late. As he turned to face his destiny, he dropped his bat.
And as he set off with all the enthusiasm of a man facing the gallows, he watched as Adam Gilchrist completed the run-out before a swarm of canary yellow shirts enveloped the frame.
Somewhere in the crowd a little girl cupped her head in her hands and began to weep.
“I needed therapy to get over it,” Donald explains, going quiet. “I couldn’t watch it. I couldn’t talk about it. But I got over it. It’s become part of me.”
He used a behavioural therapy technique called ‘flooding’ whereby traumatic or anxiety-provoking images are played on repeat until they are no longer debilitating. It’s a well-worn practice for patients with advanced phobias or post-traumatic stress.
“The more I saw it, it helped,” Donald says. “It will never leave YouTube so I had to learn to live with it. I think it was a good thing that I was playing for Warwickshire at the time. It meant I could create a little distance. I know a lot of people back in South Africa were hurting and they blamed me.”
‘I could relate to Beckham’s story in Netflix documentary’
Allan Donald looks pensive during 1999 World Cup
Allan Donald took 16 wickets in the 1999 World Cup
Not that he could avoid it forever. When he did return home to resume his duties as the leader of South Africa’s attack, he found that years of dedicated service couldn’t shield him from abuse.
“I remember standing on the fine-leg boundary in Pretoria and copping it from South Africa fans,” he says. “Hey Allan, will you run this time?’ ‘Hey Allan, where’s your bat?’ ‘It got a lot worse than that.”
Whatever happened to that bat? Did he burn it? Throw it in the Indian Ocean? It turns out its intact somewhere in the UK.
“That year, 1999, was my benefit year at Warwickshire and I put it up for auction at a golf day in London,” Donald reveals. “I had it signed by the South African team. For no particular reason. It’s not because I dropped my bat. It went for £4,000.”
Still, the emotions his failure elicited were impacting. He speaks about the “brutality of sport” as if the course of an athlete’s career is partially shaped by forces beyond their control.
He partially accepted the vitriol from passionate fans despite the “sickening feelings” those responses gave.
“You have to block it out,” says Donald. “You can’t react. I actually got goosebumps watching the David Beckham documentary on Netflix. What he went through in 1998 after he got that red card against Argentina – which obviously was never a red card – was so similar to what I went through.
“I’m not saying I was anywhere near as big as Beckham but it reminded me of how I felt. You feel alone and vulnerable. It’s horrible. I have so much admiration for Beckham after watching that. I’d love to meet him one day and talk about what we both experienced.”
Donald credits Cronje and the cohesion in the side for helping him work through his suffering.
“Eventually it fades but the memories stay,” he continues. “I’m reminded of it constantly. Even here at the current World Cup [Donald is with Bangladesh as a bowling coach] I get a few quips. The Aussie fans never let me forget it.
“I was speaking at an event a while ago and they took questions from the audience. All anyone wanted to talk about was that moment. I asked the crowd, ‘Does anyone know how many wickets I took in that match?’ Not one person could tell me.
“But I’m not angry. I’m proud of my career and that moment has, in a way, shaped my life. I talk about it with the young players I coach and I talk about it with my daughter. She’s a top runner – marathons and long distance. And when we talk about hardship or working through difficult moments I refer to that day.
“Obviously I’d have wanted it to go differently but to be involved in that game is something I’ll always be grateful for. But until South Africa win a World Cup, dropping my bat will be part of the Proteas story. They’ve got a chance this time. They’ve got an outstanding batting unit. Maybe they can finally do it.”